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Humorous Poetry Competition Winner

We asked for humorous poetry submissions with a maximum of 40 lines and we were inundated with some fantastic poems. It was a difficult decision but here are the winners and as usual we have published the overall winner.

1st Prize: £150.00  Cal Winters

2nd Prize: £100.00 D. Stewart

3rd Prize: £75.00  MaryBartlett


The Teenage Pain

by Cal Winters

There he goes again, stomping mud across my floor

If he does it one more time, I will boot him out the door

Whatever happened to that gorgeous little babe?

I never expected a life sentence dedicated to being his slave

My son, all spots and dimples, 17 but not quite a man

Yet around the town, girly crushes and a base of growing fans

His hair is never brushed, he sleeps from midnight to noon

Yet, one little wink from those baby blue eyes, and the girls are all a swoon

His music rattles through the house, and he head bangs at every chance

His skinny little torso creates a drooping of his pants

Every day he checks for chin stubble and a hair upon his chest

Results in macho man, and a triumphant wearing of his vest

His muscles are non-existent, arms dragging ape-like across the floor

His stomach is a bottomless pit and yet still he pleads for more

I long for peace and quiet and the day that he will leave

But now he is off to Uni, and I am left to grieve

I know it’s not the end and my son will soon be back

With tales of woe and his washing to unpack

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